I'm still reeling (or possibly rolling) from this past weekend when I had the honor to skate with some of flat track's best skaters from around the country as a member of Team Awesome (http://www.myspace.com/teamawesomeisthebest). What was even better is we competed in the country's first ever BANKED track tournament! It was definitely an exciting weekend as these AWESOME women descended upon LA for two days to come out in second place against the LA Derby Dolls, who only inched ahead by ONE point.
Here's a few pictures as posted by LAIST if you are interested in checking out the action! (http://laist.com/2008/06/29/photo_essay_derby_dolls_battle_on_t.php)
Well, as you may know, I've been thrust back into the dating pool again. It's been a while but I'm starting to remember now that I'm not really very good at it. Frankly, I feel intimidated by the entire process. I always end up saying the wrong thing and in some situations it's all I can do to not ask 100 questions making the questioneer feel like they are in a firing squad line-up. So I sit there and chatter on about whatever stupid comes to my head and feel like a complete moron. I'm smart and interesting but when I'm faced with this situation, I feel like I come across as just silly.
One other thing I've also remembered is for some reason, I never actually go on any traditional dates. It just seems like I'm meeting someone for drinks, or going to a show, or just hanging out. Is it me or do guys just not do the "dating" thing anymore? Or perhaps it could be the guys I'm attracted to.... I've also been pretty quick to realize this person is just not what I'm looking for but I'm finding it hard to tell them. So I take the occasional obligatory phone call, fortunately I do have a pretty busy schedule which makes hanging out a bit difficult unless I'm willing to move things around.
I have always tried to enter dating with a clear idea of what I'm looking for in a man. It helps quickly weed out folks although at times I make exceptions - there has to be some real chemistry for that to happen though. Basically, I have a mental checklist of age, occupation (or rather goals, drive and ambition), humor level and basic attraction. I'm not looking for a calendar stud, I just want someone real that's not pretentious and able to talk about more than themselves. Unfortunately, one individual I've been hanging out with met some of the criteria but it was too late before I realized all he does is talk about himself. I've been having a hard time trying to get a word in to let him know he really isn't doing it for me. He also has a tendency to invite himself along to things, so before I know it he's crashing my plans for a fun evening to watch a band, or go to a party and hang out with friends etc. Basically he's got to go but I'm not sure how to approach it.
Which brings me to my point, I recently met someone that I do want to spend a lot of time with. That also intimidates me because I keep wondering if it's too soon or should I just ride the wave and see what happens. The real problem is I don't want to do anything wrong because I do kinda like him. I find myself wanting to spend a lot of time with him right out of the gate but not sure if that's a big turnoff. I want to get to know him a lot more and it's pretty cool although I'm completely freaked out about it as well because I have no idea what to do. I know there's not really a formula and I'm not looking at the "rules" but mostly I just do what I want. And if I want to call him and see him, that's what I do. I suppose I'll just have to figure it out and ask a lot of questions. I get a little shy and intimidated (yeah, ME) when I'm in the presence of a guy I like, even tongue-tied a bit. Well, generally that's why I end up feeling like a complete moron.
Basically, why the hell can't this be easy???
I woke up early this morning to someone pounding on my door. It was a King County Sheriff letting me know that someone went down the street early in the morning and broke several car windows. And yes, you guessed it the reason he was there was because my window was among them. It looked like they probably just drove down the street and smashed stuff, so fortunately nothing was stolen and there was still enough of the glass hanging on. He gave me the case number and went on his way. I checked it out and immediately went back to bed. I needed a little more sleep before I dealt with yet another thing.
As I was taping up the window and doing my best to clean up the area, I saw a Safelite van drive by. Apparently, coming to fix one of the neighbors who were also vandalized. I walked down, got the number from the van, and called them. Easy as that and I've got an appointment to get it fixed later this afternoon. Unfortunately my deductible is higher than the estimate so it will be an out of pocket expense - yippee!
I'm really looking forward to the weekend! (emphasis on heavy sarcasm).... I'm going to watch a movie while I wait.
I've been having some recent conversations with a friend of mine about our similar situations - both are in somewhat in a slump - and it occurred to me just last night that we are really the masters of our destiny. I know that's not really a revelation for anyone, but when you let things bring you down they will bring you down. When you feel like you've just had it, you're really only looking at it from the wrong perspective. Ultimately, I think it's something that everyone knows (in theory) but you also have to remind yourself that point and sometimes daily. Life is too short to worry about the small stuff. If I died tomorrow, would I want to go out feeling like this?
I'm done with this and I'm shifting my perceptions and my life towards a much more positive angle. I'm going to get stuff done that I've put on the backburner for so long and I'm going to ensure I wake up and go through the day with positive thoughts.
It really is that simple, isn't it? I'll let you know.
Sooo I haven't posted anything in a while and I apologize for that. I've been busy with rollergirl stuff and just in general taking a much needed break. However, I'm currently incredibly pissed off. My best friend rode his bike over tonight because it was a perfect evening - well at least in the beginning - and we were going to ride around to a few different locations.
I fed the parrot and the dog and put them in their respective places and headed out to my shed where I kept my motorcycle. My friend was waiting out front for me to pull my bike out so we could head out. Shortly before my husband left me, I finally put a padlock on the shed where I keep the motorcyles. I know the combination very well but after a dozen times of trying it there was no luck. My friend, Chris, fainlly walked back to find out what the hold up was and I had no idea. The combination just wasn't working,
I went inside to get the actual physical combination and we both tried it about a dozen more times. Finally, Chris said that the lock was probably messed with. We went inside and got tools to pry the door open, which had to be done eventually, so I could at least get my bike out. Lo and behold the other Harley was missing. Someone (my ex) broke in to my shed and stole the Harley, and conicidently screwed up the lock so I couldn't get in there.
What are you supposed to do with that? Is it breaking and entry along with grand theft larceny? I'm going to the local police office shop tomorrow to find out what I need to do. At a minimum, I feel like a restraining order is the right call because given my schedule he's had to have been stalking me for the right moment to break in and take my property.
He's changedd his phone number and I have no way of getting in touch with him but I've tried my best to work with hinm on moving forward and getting through this divorce. I told him we needed to talk and he shows up with no notice and frankly scares me a bit. What am I supposed to do??? I've done nothing but support him through our marriage and this is how he repays me..... Lame.
I'm scared and I don't feel comfortable being along in my house. The house that I worked so hard to buy and maintain and grow. He did nothing.... period. I am very surpised and shocked at how he's been handling his all. Unfortunately it just go to show you that perhaps you can't trust people after all.
Frankly, I've never been laid off and I'm finding it hard to not go completely crazy. I have been exploring some perfect opportunities that I'm really excited about, but in the interim I'm a bit spastic and unsure of what else I should be doing. I've been getting the random requests from my resume being posted about some exciting sales opportunity but obviously I'm a bit reticent to follow up on them. I know "they" say to send your resume in to as many places as possible but I'm not really sure if I agree with that. If I'm just going on an interview to "practice" I feel it's a bit dishonest and frankly why would I apply for a job that I know I would likely never want?
Am I being too honest? Again, something else that I don't care about because I'm not going to waste my time and I certainly don't want to waste an employer's time by being interested in a potential candidate that has no desire to work for them. Also, I think I'm pretty good in an interview. I'm honest, forthright and you'll know exactly where I stand. Isn't that the only thing you should really do on an interview? I know there's a job out there that is just waiting for me to come along and something that I'll really sink my teeth into. Right now, I'm just trying to keep from going completely crazy and as I was driving to practice last night, I realized I haven't been out of the house since Sunday morning practice! Yikes!
So today, I'm leaving the nest to unwind, relax and get my mind off of things. If it wasn't for practice....I probably wouldn't have left the house. Tonight our team is going up to Everett to scrimmage the Jet City rollergirls, so I'm excited about that. Many of our girls have seen them bout, but I haven't so I'm a bit excited for the mystery and to bring everything I've got. I still don't feel like I"m fully to where I should be in my derby skillz, but it could be because everyone on the league continues to raise that bar and a year off set me back a bit. Or it could be that, as usual, I'm being way harder on myself than I should be.
You know sometimes when the chips are down and you've been constantly telling yourself, "Self, things can always be worse." It's true and you have good friends that are truly dealing with worse things so you feel like a selfish jerk for feeling the way you feel. Ironically, this only adds onto the stress, distress or whatever you're dealing with. Well that's where I'm at. Smack dab in the middle of it all. I laugh, I cajole, I make light of the situation but there's always that straw - you know that one little bit of crap that just makes it all tumble down. It lowers the defenses, the jovial sense of it couldn't get any worse. The smile you force yourself to wear every day. (I'm really trying hard not to break into a lot of profanities, but it too, is hard.)
I've had it. Yes, it could be worse. But honestly, if it gets any worse, I'm not sure if my hard shell and "tough" exterior can take it. I want to explode. I want to lash out. I want to BREAK stuff. I'm tired of being that strong woman that can always deal with it all when I just want to go into a fetal position and just break down and cry for days. I've been through a lot.... A LOT over my 38+ years and some things I really AM surprised that I got through. Although I'm sure there are scars that perhaps have opened up over just the past 6 months that may be adding insult to injury. I keep thinking what have I done to deserve this? I've always been a good person - ALWAYS. My honesty can sometimes be a fault if people really aren't looking for the truth, but it's who I am. I want to be bitter but where will that get me. For goodness sakes, there are people starving in third world countries and troops dying overseas!
I had to delete a lot of the rest of what I was writing. It serves no purpose other than to just alleviate my pain and suffering - or rather just to vent. Suffice to say, I'm being taken advantage of by someone that once told me he loved me. Love is definitely not everything. I suppose I should have learned that lesson a long time ago, but I was too young and well... in love. I refused a long time ago to be soiled by love, to believe in my heart that it's still worth it. I'll try now but I'm afraid it may not be so easy, if even possible, especially as someone who has always loved pretty deeply. There's always my animals and I do love them a lot and there's roller derby and of course my work, if I had a job. One silver lining right now is I look forward to finding a great job that I can be infinitely passoinate about. I really had that with Zumobi but unfortunately the pitfalls of a startup are job stability. At least in that relationship, it wasn't me.
So I'm trying out this new Facebook application called BlogIt. Apparently it's supposed to update my blog as well. Technically this is a test but I'm discovering a lot of very useful applications like this on Facebook. It just takes a while to find them and most of the time I'm discovering them via someone else. In this case, via a Twitter post from a Bay Area Derby Girl who was referencing AnilDash....and I found it there.
Discoverability is a pretty big issue in my opinion for many applications, brands, information and general cool stuff that's floating around the net. It's one thing to do a google search for something you are specifically looking for but what about those things that you just don't know exist? I'm using Twitter a lot more because I found out they have a Facebook application but not sure if I would have looked for it. I saw someone else using it.
It's one of the things I think about a lot when I'm looking around online. Getting the right people to your site is not a science, nor is it an art form. It's a bit of both mixed in with being as connected as much as you can. Turning over every rock as they say. How do you discover things online? There's definitely a point where it gets to be a bit too much at time. My dad, who is 70 and retired, is just now discovering the web. I have to talk to him a little bit more about what he looks for and how he finds things. He's not at ALL the type that I would think to be "surfing" the web but there's a community out there for him. I wonder if they know?
UPDATE: It worked really nicely! I think I'm going to love this application! Go here if you want to check it out: http://www.typepad.com/features/blogit.html
I'm a bit shocked to say that I've never watched this entire movie. Sure I've seen bits and pieces but never end to end - hmm, really should add it to my Netflix. However, I'm a BIG fan of the title. For some reason I think it just conveys a certain amount of ominous feeling, and also something critical and serious. The title also makes me think about my current job hunt. I'm not sure if it's entirely ominous because I'm sure I'll find something that is perfect. But in the general sense there is a certain amount of ominous feelings you get when you have to deal with dramatic and sudden change. I'm trying to keep that ominous feelings at bay and focus on the task at hand. My main concern right now is the insurance benefits. I need to have insurance to skate, which is right now one of the main things going for me. Well at least that's how I feel.
Things always get better and spring is here - at least per the calendar.
Okay, I'm not at all against the Wii, but like many people I've frankly gave up hope in getting one and don't really want to hunt anymore. This little piece of news from CrunchGear (thanks, Matt!) however has definitely made me think it's about freaking time. Apparently, there's a Wii-mote type of device being made for the XBox 360 (which I DO own). Imagine, a whole new realm of games for the 360 and I don't have to buy a new platform. I will definitely be keeping my eye on this one. At first Nintendo's distribution difficulties were just what happens with new consoles "hot" on the market. However, it went far beyond any kind of marketing ploy and is now just a bit in the pathetic realm. I also haven't heard any efforts on Nintendo's part to rectify the situation beyond saying expect the same delays/challenges this Christmas. Um, when DID this console come out?
I hate to say it but I think Nintendo deserves this and I would love to see this 360-mote come out and even one for the PS3. If that happens, then I won't give the Wii another thought.
